Going after potential instead of perfection
When Zane and I started dating, I was burnt out on the dating world. I was 30 years old and felt like I was never going to find a man that had the same values as me, same religious and political beliefs, any of the same interests, a man that wanted children and to be a provider as a husband. The dating pool was shallow for someone that really had a pretty great lifestyle going as it was. I started to wonder if I was ever going to find someone equally yolked.
I had watched other friends date at the time and they would tell me all the horror stories of their dates. I would see a relationship working pretty well and then one random thing blow it all up for them. What I learned quickly was that I needed to be sure I had an understanding of what I wanted and what I didn’t want in a man. Or that would have been me, countless dates and countless reasons to stay single “because it was less complicated”.
If you’re looking for the perfect man, he doesn’t exist. You gotta spend time with him and decide on if he has potential! Not a project, just potential!
On mine and Zane’s first date, I had a goal of figuring out as much about him in one date as I possibly could. Who else has done that? I asked him the hard questions and I analyzed how he answered him. He was doing really well with everything I asked, and I thought “wow, he’s really got it together for a younger guy” he is 4.5 years younger than me and I never saw myself as someone to date younger. But he has an old soul and I could tell he was a good one underneath that shaggy long hair and ungroomed facial hair! The part he earned the most kudos with me was when he went to the bathroom and left his phone sitting next to me! He was a total gentleman and we danced and sang along to “in spite of ourselves”, one of my favorite love songs!
Here’s a picture of Zane on our first date, basically he looked like Casey Dutton from Yellowstone…..lol! Rugged, yet handsome!
Over the next two weeks, we went on a few more dates and I proceeded cautiously optimistic in hopes that he was the real deal. He’s really funny, a goofball, extremely talented (he’s a rodeo announcer and he plays guitar). He dedicated a lot of time to coming to my house after work everyday which at the time was an hour away! He cooked for me, sang for me, we played games at the house with me and my roommate at the time, it was going great! But I was still nervous. I had been hurt so bad by men so I had a hard time trusting.
Until this next part happened!
We went to a Judds Farewell concert and had the best time. And when we got home, Zane asked me to officially be his girlfriend. I said yes! But the next day, he did the sweetest and cutest thing I had ever seen!! He sent me a screen recording of him deleting his dating apps off of his phone!!! Wow!! That won my trust over almost instantly!! How many 26 year olds do you think would do that? The rest is history!!
Zane proposed to me on top of a mountain, at a spot he randomly picked out while we were driving on a four wheeler trail in Pine Idaho.Had the whole plan orchestrate amongst my family. We pulled over, and while I was taking pictures of the scenery, he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife! I said yes again!!
I’ve told you my story of leaving a narcissistic terrible situation, that made me feel like damaged goods and like I would never find a man that truly valued me. (I was so glad to be proven wrong)! I was so afraid that everyone looking at me single at 30 years old was going to be judging me and wondering what’s wrong with me. Thankfully, Zane had been hanging out on my Facebook and had a pretty good understanding of who I was beforehand!
But let me tell you a little about Zane’s dating experience right before we got together! This man that wowed me at every turn and still does today regularly, he got ghosted 7 times in a row prior to his date with me!!! Can you believe that?? 7 girls on a row left this poor guy wondering what he could have done differently. I can’t imagine how shaky his confidence was going into our first date.
But what I’ll tell you is that I’m glad those 7 girls didn’t see the potential I saw. Or I wouldn’t be marrying the most amazing man I’ve ever met in just about 60 days!! So ladies if you’re single and navigating the treacherous waters of the dating world, my best advice for you is to stop looking for perfection and start looking for potential!
However, do not take on a project, if you see red flags, run from the get go, you will never change them if they don’t have the correct core values. I will link some helpful resources here so you can educate yourselves the way I did. As soon as I changed the way I went on dates and got to know someone, it changed everything and I found someone absolutely wonderful, not perfect, but as close to it as I’ve ever seen! We had to work on the hair and a little bit of hygiene habits from his bachelor days, but overall his kind heart and soul were worth looking passed the negotiable items we could work on over time!! When we found out about his daughter, we were together every step of the way, from the first day we got the letter in the mail that it was a possibility. We were headed to golf together that day and it derailed our day but it’s been an amazing blessing from God. We’ve both gotten to see a glimpse of the kind of parents we’re gonna be and it’s actually made us look forward to the next chapter even more-so than we already have been!
God is so good y’all, he loves you and wants happiness and fulfillment for you!! Trust in his plan because it always works out better than you could imagine!!
One of my favorite books I read when I was single!
(I do earn commission when you buy thru my amazon link but at no additional cost to you)
Helpful dating resources:
https://www.deseret.com/2022/12/24/23508172/who-should-i-date/
https://www.tryquinn.com/blog/non-negotiables-in-a-relationship