Are you afraid to lose your identity?
As I’ve officially began the family planning stage of my life, which has prompted me to get asked some pretty interesting questions!
Many of my friends and family know that I’ve built a very successful career as a business woman, I actively compete in barrel racing events across North Texas, and I almost always have miscellaneous projects going on. To say I live a busy life is an understatement. Not to mention, there’s always random shenanigans that come up that can be difficult to navigate on the go!
One of my most commonly asked questions is “Will you still sell real estate?” And the answer to that is always going to be a yes! I have a realtor friend that showed houses up til the day before she went into labor! And I’ve watched her every day since then continue to sell real estate, she team ropes with her husband, she home makes for her family, and she’s preparing for her second baby! I know of several entrepreneurial women that continue to do all the things they love and raise their babies!! It can be done in a way that it makes it fun for the children, and an essential part of that is having a supportive husband and the right folks in your corner to help whenever you need them!
Only society wants you to believe you have to choose between being a wife and mother and having a career and hobbies!!
Shortly after Zane and I got engaged we found out that he had a 2 year old daughter that he didn’t know about. (That whole process is absolutely bogus to me, everything was done thru snail mail and it took about 6 weeks from start to finish). But we’ll talk about that another time. In the weeks we spent waiting around for answers, we were absolutely terrified of the fact that we were possibly about to become parents instantaneously….Most of the time you get close to 9 months of preparation, we had a few weeks. We cried, we prayed, we had a few people that knew and supported us thru it, most importantly, we grew stronger together as we embraced the unknown ahead!
Here we are now 5 months after finding out she is his. She changed our lives in some of the best ways. Though it was and still can be a bit terrifying somedays, we’re grateful that her momma has prepared us and coached us well, as she does have special needs. She was born with Spina Bifida. But other than the fact that she doesn’t walk yet, she’s very normal in every other way when it comes to being a toddler. She can be a total spitfire, yet sweeter than grandmas fudge at Christmas! We’ve all had to work together to help her thru the stages of her adapting to being shared with an entirely different family. Of course she’s had some separation anxiety and hasn’t always understood why she’s being shared but we are so grateful that we got to start being in her life from such a young age!!
I knew prior to Remi that I wanted children, but I never really knew if I was “ready”. You may know that feeling too! We’re always busy in life putting together the perfect plan, waiting til just the right timing to start having babies. Some people wait too long, others get started in their 20’s when they’re still young and have more of a carefree attitude to just adapt and overcome. I applaud alllllll of you women that started having babies in your 20’s!!! I didn’t have the right boyfriends, I was not settled in one place, financially I was not prepared at all in my 20’s…. Like wow! I hope you feel accomplished and you celebrate regularly for keeping your head above water navigating motherhood while still working on your personal growth and development in your lives!!
Remi has taught me that I am way more ready than I have felt! I honestly didn’t think I had a maternal bone in my body. I know I love my friend’s kids and my niece and nephews. But I did not know that I could take a child and feel instinctual about how to care for her, how to help her grow and adapt to her new environment and routines, I didn’t know I could set aside the fact that this was a CRAZY life changing situation and just adapt my own routines to fit whatever she needs and do whatever it takes to help raise her now. God always knows what he’s doing!!
My business typically slows just a little thru the winter and I usually slow down barrel racing as well and kick back off in the spring. So the timing of finding out was actually perfect, we jumped in head first to visitation and then graduated to over night stays and full weekends over time. So now here we are 5 months later and we have her every other weekend, we’ve taken Remi with us to rodeo events, basketball games, showing houses (she hangs out with dad in the car usually), and honestly it’s been so much easier than I expected it to be! (You’ll always hear me say God always provides, that doesn’t mean only monetary, he provides us with courage, strength, wisdom, instincts, etc. every single day!) I will reiterate right here though that it wouldn’t feel that way if my fiancé wasn’t such an active father. I truly know without a doubt that I’m marrying the right man!! We missed out on the first 2 years of her life but we are not missing anything else, we’ve even started to FaceTime her while she’s with her mom. I also want to add here that co-parenting does not have to suck!!! It’s best for the children to grow up without the toxicity and animosity, and we’re the adults here, we have to put away our own insecurities and be the adults in the room! She didn’t ask to be in this situation, so we have to do what’s best for her no matter what, and we do! We’re very grateful for a healthy co-parenting relationship!
The internet will terrify you, people who could never see themselves in this situation or who don’t want children will terrify you, your own thoughts and doubts will terrify you, even people with children or people in co-parent situations will terrify you!!! I think I’ve heard every worst case scenario that could happen and I’ve heard a ton of griping about marriage and children over the years. And I’m sure that I’m not done hearing it and I’m not done being scared. But I’ll tell you this, Gods plan and his timing are what always work out better than I could imagine!!!
In this new blog of mine, I am here to show you how I am not going to “lose my identity” in motherhood, home making and being a wife!! I am never going to stop developing and becoming the woman that God created me to be. If you’ve never read Proverbs 31 in the Bible, you should! It is about way more than “being barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen…” God designed us to do way more and it’s time that we stop listening to society and we pay attention to what we were truly made for!!